The joys of reading

I sat perusing through Facebook and the variety of mom pages I belong to and have to say how pleasantly surprised I was at what I found.

The topic of the day seems to be the idea that we all want a break at some point. From work, home, school, the kids, each other. We all want to be able to take a few moments now and then, think with our own six, ok maybe ten, brain cells. Have a thought that isn't interrupted by "mom he..." or "stop it!! i said stop!!" etc. But that can be a strong luxury that few are afforded at times.

But it made me stop and think. Why is it that we all feel so guilty about needing time for ourselves? I see so many memes and things about how you give up thinking about yourself when you have kids and all the moms who say they aren't allowed to do anything because they kids have too many activities, etc. But I remember when I was younger, my mom had her own things. She went on long weekend trips, usually twice a year and she and all her girlfriends would rent a cabin and do god only knows what and enjoy being child and family free. My dad would get up and go to the gym to play basket ball, or he would go for a late night swim in the pool, adults only. Why is it that we have contorted ourselves as a society to believe that if you aren't with your kids 24/7 then you're the worst?

I had volley ball practice and Girl Scout meetings and rehearsals for choir. And I did those things sans my parents. I had dance lessons when I was young and my mom would drop me off and go back home some days, others she would stay.

Now though, the thought of leaving my kids at a sports practice or lessons of one variety or another sounds abhorrent to most people. But why? What is wrong with them learning the idea that they are there to listen and do as they're told by another adult, and that I'm not there watching their every step. I don't want to be a helicopter parent, never have, never do. I think it's totally normal for my kids to go out and play, to walk up the street and see if Jimmy wants to come over. Why do I have to text his mom?

And as far as that allowing for personal time, well it may, it may not. Personally my husband and I both have kind of an unspoken agreement that when I get to that point, he can see the vein pulsing in my head and my fingers are twitching, then he corals the beasts and gets them out of my hair for an hour or so. Or if I just know that I need to space for a minute then I go off to do my own thing, leaving all to fend for themselves. Of course if there are blood curdling screams I'm on my way, you just can't turn that instinct off. But otherwise if I'm on the couch reading my book, or watching a show on the tablet, and if they want to stand there at the kitchen table yelling at each other about who gets to use the green bowl... well... duke it out mine offspring, go forth and conquer!

Or ask dad because for the next 30min I don't exist.

And it's all reciprocated. Yes we have our moments too, where other stressors in life start to get in the way and wreak havoc. Turn me into the wicked with of the west who will be happy to set you ablaze if you sneeze funny. But there again, we're pretty good at recognizing and saying you know what, if that were me I would love if someone would help get rid of a few tasks on my plate. But there again it comes back to those funny things we learned as kids but I feel like is passed on to so few these days, 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' or 'treat others as you would like to be treated'.

Fortunately the mom blogs all made good comment to this idea and the fact that while having kids may be ridiculously stressful at times, we have to look out for each other as people as well as as parents. We have to make sure to give each other that time to sit back and think our own thoughts. SO just remember when you're sitting there on the couch ready to rip all you hair out, that your spouse may feel the same right now, or may have felt that way an hour ago, so either ask for help, or get up and do something about it. It'll all come out in the wash eventually.

Oh and personal note, if you're by yourself, there is nothing wrong with telling the children they can play and scream all they want as long as they are on a different floor of the house than you are, or at least in a different room.