So lots of people talk all the time about working and the struggles of doing so while having children. But one of the things that I don't think I've heard anyone talk about is the benefits of working as a mom, both to mom and the children.
Now I will totally admit that with child care, especially in the summer when school is out nearing $1500 a month it can be hard to sit and commune with the idea that a majority if not near all of a parent's pay can go to child care expenses in a given month. But on the flip side of that I was thinking this morning about the true service being in camp and in preschool really is to my kids.
In our house, for example I could certainly make do without child care, maybe as much as 3 days a week. Between my scheduled day off from work; I work the occasional weekend day as well as generally we end up on something closer to a 410 schedule, and then being able to lean on my parents potentially one day a week if I had to and then dad could probably contribute to the cause and give up on day a week. However, first of all finding a school age summer program that runs all day 6:30 am to 6pm, but you only have to pay for the days you attend, impossible. Second finding a preschool program, save for in a house by a private individual, that again you only have to pay for the days you attend, while not impossible is getting more and more difficult. The school we used to take him to, even if I did do part-time, is was silly to be paying for three days a week but only actually being able to use two of them; that was how their pricing broke down. Plus if there was ever a shift to the schedule for some reason I was SOL, I was only allowed to bring him in on our contracted days. So why not just cover my butt and make sure I have coverage all five days?
Now aside from the monetary battle that is child care; ps did you know that on average a parent who has their child in full time care from 8 weeks through to school age, so generally 5 years, 6 for those who choose to wait on Kindergarten, spend 50K... Seriously... more than my parents put toward my college education.
But really back to the plus side, so my son is a very active little man, he get's into all kinds of trouble on his own. For example, recently we have discovered that he likes to go to the bathroom in inappropriate places, or there is the fact that he still can't seem to grasp the concept of 'mom said don't touch that'. Additionally he likes to talk... a lot... a lot... yes I know he's four and he needs to tell me his life story of a daily basis but guess what kid, I was there, I saw it, I know what happened, and trying to tell me how you put your shoes on 3 minutes ago while I'm trying to finish getting your sister's lunch packed, the dogs outside and fed, and then making sure swim bags are ready for the day... well it's not my idea of fun right this second. So he needs people to talk to. Other four year olds happen to be a beautiful solution to this conundrum for him. They can tell each other for hours about the blue string they found in the green doll's hair three days ago for hours on end.
The other thing school is helping him with is understanding that he has to be aware of himself, and personal space can be important to people. It's one thing when he wants to climb all over mom and dad at home but I can only convey to him so many times that I really don't need his foot in my ribs any longer. We spent 6 months like that, I'm good.
Schedule and structure and social skills for him all all of the wonderful reasons I only cringe a little when I see the charges to my bank account once a month for $715 for his pre-school program. He needs it, dad needs it, I need it, and best of all it's good for him. Now he won't go into kindergarten where one poor sap will have 20 5 year olds to wrangle all alone and be that kids who either screams all day long because he's never been left alone, or the one who doesn't listen to a sound that comes out of said sap's mouth because he's never been taught to respect the authority of adults other than family. And yes I know there are lots of variations there in but those are the two I really didn't want my kid to be.
Now my daughter on the other hand, she enjoyed all these beautiful benefits of full time care provided by some alternatively structured system, i/e. not home with mom, since she was about 3 months old. She excelled from a leadership perspective, she is willing to talk to just about anyone, and also tell them her life story, and she understands that she can't always be where she wants to be when she wants to be there. It's about once a week that I get the "But I hate camp and I don't have any friends there and the counselor is mean, why can't I just stay home with daddy?"
"Because daddy works overnight so he needs to sleep during the day."
"But I can be quiet and not bother him"
Now granted she is exceptionally self sufficient, and at 8 I expect her to be able to tackle 90% of her day to day function on her own. However, being quiet and not bother daddy means plunking in front of the TV watching the same episodes of dragon riders that she has already watched at least 4 times, I know I've heard them at least twice in the past week, and then eating what ever junk she can get her hands on and then rapidly dispose of the evidence in the garbage.
So long story short, she needs camp just as much as he needs school, as much as she needs school during the academic year, and thus will not being staying home to melt into the couch with the dogs and dad.
Social places are great for kids and in a rapidly evolving world where we are, to an extent actually de-evolving socially; living on Facebook and Instagram, Pintrest, not actually talking to people or doing activities, I find it fundamentally necessary and socially constructive that both my kids are in some sort of organized daily care.
Plus then dad and I both get to be able to fill our day/night with a task we enjoy, because well if truth be told, I happen to really like my job.
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